C to the Y to the N to the D to the I!'s Blurty

Subject:	IT's fucking inconsiderate to die around the holidays.
Time:	4:11 pm.

Way to ruin Christmas/Hannukah/whatever.

Last year, a guy who lived down the street from me had a heart attack and died Christmas morning while opening presents in front of his kids. They lit up their house with a ton of lights, and this year it's dark and gloomy.

Three years ago, a step-great-grandmother of mine I never met died of cancer on Christmas eve. I'm sure her family is miserable every year now.

My mom found her own mother dead of an aneurysm on Christmas morning when she went in to tell her Santa had been there. She was only 8 at the time. Christmas makes her emotional every year.

My cat Cutie Pie went into a health crisis on Thanksgiving a few years ago, and there was no place open for TWO FUCKING DAYS and so she suffered before being euthanized the following Saturday. Now I can't enjoy Thanksgiving because all I can remember is this poor cat puking up undigested turkey and hiding under my bed.

My dad recently had a heart attack scare that was just a pulled muscle from straining to change a tire on the car.

The point is, PEOPLE WHO DIE ON A HOLIDAY ARE FUCKING INCONSIDERATE FOR RUINING THE JOY! MORE SO IF THEY KILL THEMSELVES! >:O Pick another damn day and die in the middle of the year. I know I'd choose my own birthday to do it. Then it's only a holiday in my household.

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Subject:	I got my cherry popped in a really unsexy way.
Time:	9:56 am.

Mom and I had to go to the doctor for a mid-check and I'm healthy as can be as of now.

I really hate going to new doctors. I've only seen Dr. A(not sharing his whole name, sorry) a couple times. Nice guy, a bit on the older side and tall and skinny. Anyway, it's on my record that my last doctor tried a pap smear and couldn't get past my hymen.

I, of course, started to get nervous when he brought that up. He wanted to make another attempt! I told him to do my mom's examine first and he did. It's just like the Lines in the Sand episode of House where House breathed the gas so the autistic boy would cooperate and breathe it too--I feel safer seeing somebody else do something scary first.

Dr. A and my mom talked like it was no big deal. Then it was my turn and I felt like some robot in another world getting onto that table. I just don't LIKE anybody but myself touching my girly parts.

He poked me with a scalpel before I even felt what was happening and oh DAMN, I almost crawled off the table when he said "You're okay. Breathe into your stomach." I did that and he pushed a finger up and I almost crawled off the table AGAIN! Having a finger up my vag felt like having to pee and poop at the same time. It was weird! How can that be sexually arousing? It was just a bunch of uncomfortable stretching, and only on a FINGER! I can't imagine a penis!

Well, it turns out I have a very narrow vaginal canal. -_-; It probably COULD stretch out if I was sexually active, but that's not likely. But my uterus and ovaries are okay. He let me feel them myself by telling me where to put my hands on my stomach. WEIRD!!!! My uterus is tiny! Barely wider than my index, middle and ring fingers! And THAT causes all the cramps? Good fucking grief...

Then he did the pap smear part and I HATED THAT SPECULUM! He used the child sized one on me and I still kept saying "take it out!" (Almost had a meltdown there, I was so upset). He calmed me down by letting me see my own cervix in a mirror while he did the actual swabbing part. GROSSSSSS!!! It was all shiny and pink! like, the color of my lips!

The swab part just felt like some pressure, and Dr A just kind of moved it back and forth and it came out with the same white goo that sometimes comes out of my vag when I'm between ovulating and my period. I felt so much better when he took out the speculum. He gave me a tissue to wipe up and said I did great, but I looked over where I was holding my mom's hand and my knuckles were WHITE! Dr. A said I might have some cramps and that's normal. I did get some, but not as bad as my period cramps. My poor hymen bled a little bit though. Thank God I wear panty liners when I'm not on my period.

Well, THAT was THAT. My cherry got popped and it wasn't even sexy. :( I'm not looking forward to having to do it again.

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Subject:	Moving again.
Time:	3:19 pm.

After the first of the year, because our cunt ass landlord decided he wants to move his stupid mom into the house we're in, so we're booted out. At least he's giving us until Feb. We heard in October and I was quiet until the "might have to move" became "we're going to move."

Fuck, man...

At least it's a pretty house and it's across the street and one block away from St. Stephen's, which is REALLY nice, but now we're pretty far from dad's office. Oh well. He can suck it up and deal with the hour drive.

( Pretty! )

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Subject:	Just got wind of THIS...what the FUCK?!
Time:	12:28 am.
Mood:	bitchy.

Okay, health care is seriously fucked up beyond every ass in the universe.

Apparently, I'm JUUUUUUUUST above the retarded fucking AGE CAP for getting a swine flu vaccine shot. WHAT THE FUCK!? WHAT DOES A FEW YEARS MATTER?

When I get sick with the flu, I get so sick it's like a debate on going to the ER. I could DIE if I catch this bug, and the fucking insurance is being all asshole about letting me get the shot. FUCK YOU! I have shit going on around Christmas and if I get sick it's ALWAYS on Christmas. I NEED MY VOICE FOR MIDNIGHT MASS!

Oh, and on top of everything I saw an awesome goth-like dress in Hot Topic and of COURSE the piece of shit didn't fit.

FUCK THIS WHOLE DAY!!!!!!!

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Subject:	Ha.
Time:	9:48 pm.
Mood:	irritated.

No matter what any fucker out there says, I know the movieverse Optimus I write is accurate.

Peter Cullen HIMSELF told me so.

Call me a liar if you want, but I know he wrote it to me, that it's true and if other people can't accept that then fuck them.

I won't even go into the old "porn" song and dance again. I prefer the term "erotica" myself, but whatfucking ever.

I'm off to go get drunk and pass out. Fuck you later, assholes.

P.S. By the way, that dumbass fuckball at Botcon who caused the Cullen panel to end early with his stupid "Have you ever read OptimusxMegatron slash?" question--if you were doing that to try and make me look bad, nice TRY. Too bad my fic was OptimusxMIKAELA. You made YOURSELF look like a fool and THAT is how Peter Cullen will remember you. I hope you're happy :)

This will forever be my best Botcon moment EVER.

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Subject:	Oh, I HATE being volunteered to do shit without being asked first!
Time:	11:35 am.
Mood:	angry.

I HATE, HATE, HAAAAAATE IT!

It's a million degrees outside, and my dad volunteers me to go rake the fucking yard so mom doesn't have to. She was going to do it later today when it cooled off. I told dad she probably wouldn't want me to since she always says "don't worry about it" if I ask. But he goes and asks and suddenly it's "okay, go ahead!" Dad shoves the rake at me and tells me not to get an attitude about it. Then he goes to sit on his fat ass and takes a nap!

I'm tired. I'm sweaty. I'm overheated. I wasted away half the day I intended to spend WRITING and now I'm not even in the mood to write.

FUCK THIS SHIT!

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Subject:	Interesting info about autism being genetic.
Time:	6:43 pm.

Go read for yourself.

Here's part of it:

In the case of autism, the likelihood that the sibling of an affected child also would be affected is between three and six percent. This number is small enough that family doctors probably would never see enough cases of two affected siblings in the same family to suspect a genetic influence. Nonetheless, this incidence is about 100 times greater than the rate at which autism affects unrelated people in the population. Compounding the problems of rarity, another difficulty in detecting the genetic origins of autism is the lack of family pedigrees. Unlike people who inherit Huntington disease, a genetic disease that does not strike until after the affected person has reached reproductive age, persons affected with autism are so socially disabled that they never marry and have children. Thus, researchers do not have the extended family histories that have played such a critical role in the identification of genes implicated in cystic fibrosis, breast cancer, and other diseases.

Such a high genetic contribution appears to be the exception rather than the rule when considering complex behaviors. This is probably because a relatively small number of genes may be involved in autism (but certainly more than one), whereas other behaviors may be influenced by many genes.

To identify the specific genes influencing autism, scientists initiated an international collaboration in 1996. As a result of this work and further studies, we someday may have a better understanding of the brain differences that lead to the bizarre and conflicting behaviors of persons who are autistic.

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